W5TOM's Turbo Tongue Lube

This outstanding new audio enhancement product is now available.

 

After years of research at the W5TOM audio division, we are proud to introduce this fine audio enhancement product.  For only $4.95 (suggested retail price), the Ham seeking audio perfection can dramatically improve their audio quality, modulation, intelligibility, peak envelope power, and spurious radiation.  It's the fine imported ingredients that determine the outstanding performance.  The base is a homogenized mix of dihydrogen monoxide and Extra Virgin olive oil imported from Agrigento, Italy.  To insure their virginity, the olive trees producing this fine oil are chaperoned around the clock by retired theater ushers with vintage flashlights.  Some of the other high quality ingredients include: aloe, belladonna, cocoa, peyote button extract, MSG, ubiquitous guar gum, and rare Peruvian yak saliva (as a thickening agent).  The pressurizing agent used in the can is nitrous oxide for increased joviality and improved QSO content.

 

In spite of a recent raid by the INS, our factory is now at full production and able to ship immediately.  This wonderful product may be purchased directly from the manufacturer for $4.95 per 11oz. can plus shipping and penalty charges.  Under current environmental restrictions and sexual orientation laws, this item is not available in California. Orders will be shipped by UPS ground to allow extra fermentation time.  Send remittance to: Tongue Lube International, 59 Sayagain Dr., Bassboost, TX, 59104.

Now available with a patented sterling silver Tongue Tube for only $19.95 extra.  Such a deal!  Get yours today!